australia, the land down undah
I was bornm on the first day of my life in the wild outback of australia. Australia is an island just south of the Earth, next to Antarctica (which is not even on most maps of the world, that's how far south it is).There are big rats there called kangaroos. they eat the wild snowman (they are the wild snwomans only natural predater)and they are very persistent and vicios so i was glad when i got found by a traveling circus and got brought to america.
a vicious kangaroo
My mom told me before i got on the bus to ameerica with the circus folk "yoiu be careful in america they might have bigger kangaroos and then you would get eaten so stay indoors. and always remember i love you and theres no such thing as bryant gumbel." my mom was crazy. she wasnot a wild snowman. she was katie couric. but i loved her anyway. isee her on tv now and again.
my lovely mother
the circus folk were like mynew family.I got to help put up the bigtop and clean out the elephant truck and wash the elephant truck and carry buckets and pull on ropes and put things over rthere and genarally be helpful and nice,.
some of the kindly circus folk who carried me around in a big box
then one day there was a big fire which was not my fault in any way shape or form and could not be traced back to me at all becase i didn't even know it was flammable and there wasn't a sign on it that said it was! so i ran way far away until i couldn't see the big horrible fire any more and that's when I came to Detroiit.
here's a pictyure ofthe big fire which wasn't my fault at ALL and besides, it was an accident!!
DETROIT ROCK CITY YEEEEEAAAAH BOYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!!
that was my home on the left
I made asmall fortune in detroit as a garbage man.i drove the big truck and honked the horn and chaseed the cats and children.
my pretty little garbage truck
I wrote some songs about being in a garbage truck and chsing the cats and children,, and i got real popular at the open mic at the Java house on thursdya nights.
then one day GEne Simmins came up to me at the open micand said "hey Vanilla do you want to start a band with me??it will be called KISS and you will be the star because you write such good songs and I am nowhere near asgood and talinted as you are." but i said "no no Gene I want to start my own band of my own calledthe Junior SCience club and I will write every soing and be much mor epopular than you. but just to be nice, since you are crying now and blubbing all over yourself, I will let you have one of my songs for your very own to make your band popular, it is called I WAnt To Rockand roll All night." then Gene Simmins took my song and changed it from being about ctas and childrenand garbage trucks.i guess he did okay with it but still i think he sold out.
california, my brand new home (which is in california)
i moved to california (WOO WOO Mister bigstuff, you may be saying) witht the intent of starting up my big SOLO PROJECT called logan Whitehurst and the JuniorScience Club!! buit when I got here to california I learned that that band name was already taken. i cryed. for like two munths. SO instead of crying all over the place forever I decided to approach the elusive logan whitehrust and see if he would sell me the name of the band for a modest sum. he said "NO no it's my band name but i suck so bad you should join my band and together we could be big stars. you can write ALL THE MUSIC AND WORDS and I will simply press play on stage and lip synch because you have no neck and cannot make any other expression except for a blissful smile." I said "OK i will join your band but you havwe to tell everyone the truth so everyone will know it was actually VANILLA THE PLADSTIC SNOWMAN who WROITE ALL THE SONGS!!!" And then LOgan whitehurst said "sure thing there vnilla, old buddy old pal I will do just that! hee hee hee"
And he didn't.
"Hi I am LOgan and i hate vanilla i am so jelous of him!"
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