Earth is Big Lyrics


The Jr. Science Club Theme

We are popular
We wear headphones
We are talking now
Talk in the microphone

We dont care what you say
But we care what you do
Were the invisible entity
That looks out for you
Were watching your every move
With our x-ray machine
(We are watching)
Theres nothing that you can hide
That we cannot see
(We are watching)

CHORUS:
We will be the ones who make things go
We will be the ones who tell you so
We conduct experiments to know
We will be there when the world explodes
(2X)

Put your head under our microscope
And see whats inside
(Put your head)
A little warning sign
Says Access Denied
(Put your head)

We understand the logic
We can do the math
Were surrounded by statistics
And were drowning in graphs
Jump like an electron
Exchanging its shell
Emit that little glow
We know so well

We are popular
We wear headphones
We are talking now
Talk in the microphone

CHORUS:
We will be the ones who make things go
We will be the ones who tell you so
We conduct experiments to know
We will be there when the world explodes
(2X)

Theres nothing weird about science

Its better to have lost and found
Than to never have lost at all
(It is better)
A celluloid transparency
Projected on the wall
(It is better)

Weve got our fingers crossed
In the fourth dimension
365 degrees of ascension
Combining forward momentum
With angular ascent
By the time that were gone
You might know what we meant

CHORUS:
We will be the ones who make things go
We will be the ones who tell you so
We conduct experiments to know
We will be there when the world explodes
(2X)

I came out of a long bout of writer's block with an epiphany--I will change the name of my group so I can think in different ways! The Jr. Science Club is my ticket to rock. I'm not going to change the music much. It's just a psychological thing. Don't worry. This song took me sixteen hours to record. Music on one day, sleep off the backache of sitting at the four-track, six tracks of vocals and editing the next day. I can safely say this is my most rocking song yet. This also marks the first time I've played the guitar myself and used real chords.


What I Did (To The Cat)

It was a quarter past three in the morning
Had to get up at six fifteen
Then the cat started making little noises for attention
Or perhaps just to be mean

I must have gone crazy cause all I could think was
Put the cat put the cat put the cat in the sink

It was the middle of the night I didn't turn on the light
I knew she was there
I heard a sound I turned around to find the cat that made the sound
Sitting on a chair

Put the cat put the cat put the cat in the sink
Put the cat put the cat put the cat in the sink

I grabbed the cat around the middle and she struggled just a little
But I held tight
We made our way down the hall to the bathroom with the
Little yellow nightlight

Put the cat put the cat put the cat in the sink
Put the cat put the cat put the cat in the sink

Put cat in sink turn water on she's wet I'm going back to bed

She didn't make another sound guess the water calmed her down
So it would seem
I fell asleep and had a dream what a dream
What a mighty mighty good dream

Put the cat put the cat put the cat in the sink
Put the cat put the cat put the cat in the sink
Put the cat put the cat put the cat in the sink
Put the cat put the cat put the cat in the sink
Put the cat put the cat put the cat in the sink
Put the cat put the cat put the cat in the sink

The cat wakes me up every night. I don't like it. Sometimes I get frustrated. Does she want more food? Does she want water? Does she want me to get up and have fun chasing her around in the dark? Does she care about my needs as a sleepy person?


The Audubon Society

The Audubon Society was formed, not in 1883
But in 1886 by George Grinnell
He found it hard to justify the number of native birds who died
To satisfy the hat-shop clientele

He said
Why do we shoot them from the sky
When theyre only passing by
Why not count the birds instead
They cant sing if they are dead
If theyre stuffed and on your head
Or baked into a pie

The chicken on that fencepost
Laid the eggs to make my french toast
I know you like french toast. I know you do.

French toast!

An inspired little ditty about birds and how they lay eggs. Do they do it for fun? Who knows!


Paranoid

What did you think you heard when
You thought you heard somebody
Behind the mirror at the mini-mart?
They let the air out of your
Cutlass Sierras tires
And left you stranded in the parking lot

Hey-you-do you wanna be paranoid forever?
If your eyes are dollar signs
Theyll tell you what to think
Hey-you-do you wanna get out of this situation?
Theyll never touch you if
Your eyes are on the blink

Better watch your step
Better walk a little faster
Better have eyes in the back of your head--whoa
Maybe they know youre onto something
Youre better safe than sorry
Youre better paranoid than dead--whoa

Hey
Hey
Hey
Hey

Theyve got the pompadours
The two-by-fours, theyre keeping score
Theyre all around and now theyre
Pounding on your door
The spastic semaphore says,
Apple core, Baltimore
Now whos your friend? Well, think again
How can you be so sure?

Now you better watch your step
You better walk a little faster
You better have eyes in the back of your head--whoa
Maybe they know youre onto something
Youre better safe than sorry
Youre better paranoid than dead--whoa

I started with a hornline sample from Albrot's song, "Feedbag." Then I used Virtual Drummer for the rhythm tracks, played keyboard lines over the top, and sang. Pretty standard layering-type stuff. Except there's a lot more of it in this one. Squee! I like strawberry banana nectar.


Bubba's Throat

(Cough, cough!) It's hard on my throat! Aaaa! Ooo! Aaa!


I Want To Rock

It was my thirteenth birthday
Mom bought me a guitar
She said, "Learn 'Bridge Over Troubled Water'"
And I said, "But Mom, I want to--

Rock.
Because I like to rock.
Rock.
Come on, I want to rock.
Rock.
I wanna, I wanna wanna wanna
Rock.
Are you gonna let me

Spend my days in a purple haze
Mid-to-late eighties was the glory days
Nelson and Aerosmith grindin' their axes
Crotch pants, booty dance, cheatin' on taxes
I don't wanna listen to Yanni or Goth
I wanna hear Eddie wail with David Lee Roth
KISS and The Clash, Prince and The Cure
Back when rock was pure

WAAAAAAAAA!!!!

I learned Bridge Over Troubled Water
Mom said, "That's my little boy!
You'll be such a fine musician!"
And I said, "But Mom, I want to

Rock.
So I smashed my guitar.
Rock.
And I stole my mom's car.
Rock.
But then I realized--
Rock.
I just smashed... my guitar...

How am I gonna rock now?

God damn.

An experiment in looping music tracks together with a computer. I like the fact that not one bit of the song even remotely approaches anything sounding even slightly like it might resemble music with might remind you of sounds remotely close to indicating the influence or even the presence of rock.


Calculator Love

Bought myself a calculator
At the corner store
Brought it home an hour later
Added up the score
If you really love me darlin'
Count it up and see
And we can solve our problems
With some trigonometry

The square of the sum of the hypotenuse
of the radian times the denominator
I love you

I'd wanted to do this song for a long time, but I had no idea what it was about. Now I do. You can't solve your romantic problems logically! And you can't get Alvin to speed rehab because he's too wiry and quick to catch.


Watertown

Welcome to Watertown
Where it's all your fault
I'm working insecurities
At the shopping mall

The doctor is a maniac
But the air is free
Second-hand oxygen
Is all I breathe

This is a town with a melody
The birds sing it back to me
Until I hold my hands up
And say why don't you stop
And I think I'm on the verge of insanity
And I lost my wallet, my car keys,
My shoes and my socks and I
Think that I'm losing my mind

Staring at pendulums
I watch my step
Walking intangibly
On a cigarette

This is a town with a history
The voices sing it back to me
Until I hold my hands up
And say why don't you stop
And I'm paying my respects to my anatomy
Couldn't help it
Water, water everywhere
But not a thought to think

Welcome to Watertown
Where it's all your fault

I couldn't find the 50's Doo-Wop category here, so I thought Blues Rock would be the closest thing. This song sounds like it could be the intro to a musical play. Recorded using four-track and Pro-Tools.


OhMyGodImOnFire

See him running from the porch
Like some kind of human torch
Orange tendrils everywhere
Acrid stench of burning hair

Flailing like a drowning bird
In the dirt he scrawls this word

OHMYGODIMONFIRE

Burning bright from head to shoe
Stopping, dropping, rolling too
La la la la la la la la
La la la la la la la

Local news is on the scene
See the writing on the screen

OHMYGODIMONFIRE
SOMEBODYPUTMEOUT
FORCRYINGOUTLOUD

I can hear the neighbors say
'Never liked him anyway'
As I watch on my t.v.
They sweep away his dusty plea

OHMYGODIMONFIRE

Another victim of spontaneous combustion.


Tokyo Narita (The Water Is Made Of Rain)

Why is the rain so wet, so wet?
Why is the rain so wet?
Why is the rain so wet, so wet?
Why is the rain so freaking wet?

It's made of water
Made of water
Made of water
Maybe it's just that the water's made of rain

Why are my tears so wet, so wet?
Why are my tears so wet?
Why are my tears so wet wet wet wet?
Why are my tears so wet?

They're made of water
Made of water
Made of water
Maybe it's just that the water's made of tears

You want the attendant to fill it up. You say...
Random random
It's there!
What is this car called?

It's made of water
Made of water
Made of water
Maybe it's just that the water's made of ...?

(laughing)
(screaming)

Wait!

Tokyo, narita.
Tokyo, narita.
Tokyo, na-ree-ta.

This is a great, catchy song about speaking Japanese. Although I don't believe the lyrics truly reflect this, Japanese is a difficult language to learn, no matter how easy they say it is.


Big Mistake*

Music and lyrics 1999 by Clint Hoagland/Ryan Arnholt/Bob Peplinski. Arranged and performed 2000 by Logan Whitehurst.


Farewell, Hesperus

Givin' fives to the jive-talking choirboy
The rocking chair lady said "You stinker!"
Everybody's packing a hairpiece
On the channel with the funny name
Sixteen miles to the nearest food
The rocking chair lady said "You stinker!"
Neck, spine, anklebone, finger, and foot
The ship is sinking and that ain't good

CHORUS
Farewell, Hesperus
We hope it didn't bleed too much
Farewell, Hesperus
Your drawing skills are a definite strength

So whatcha gonna do now? Gotta make it look right
Gotta stay up twenty-five hours a night
Damn the torpedoes and make my lunch
Make a peanut-butter sandwich and a gallon of punch
When the sun goes down in Watertown
Better get a life jacket so he doesn't drown
If I don't call it doesn't mean I care
The rocking chair lady said

Amy, your sandwich is ready, Amy

CHORUS

"You stinker!"


Isle of Monkeys

My little instrumental tribute to Monkey Island, one of the best series of games ever. I wish I knew how to program MIDI instead of doing everything by hand...


Farkle, New and Improved!!!

Another commercial for the inimitable¸ berproduct, Farkle!


(She's) Ten Feet Tall

I'm on the phone with her
And she says shes tired
Of being unpredictable
So shes going to go to Portland
Shes going to go away

I dont care if shes crazy
I heard lycanthropy is curable
It takes a bulldozer to knock her down
And she gets back up again
She gets back up again

Shes ten feet tall
Shes ten feet tall
And Im intimidated

Sirens down the highway
Lights flash on and off and on
Footsteps down the fire escape
And shes never seen again
Shes never seen again

Spray paint in the subway
Broken glass in my coffee cup
The waitress says Im sorry about that
And she takes the cup away
She puts it on her tray

Wheres my coffee
Wheres my sense of direction

Shes ten feet tall
Shes ten feet tall
And Im intimidated

Nothing like a little drum loop to break you out of a songwriting slump. Just like honey to the bee, baby.


A Matter of Twine

At eleven-o-six
My watch stopped ticking
My telephone started to ring
The voice on the line said
--Have you got the twine?
Then I started to sing
I said

CHORUS:
What's so important 'bout peaches and cream
Wake up and start living
It's a beautiful dream
The box spring's turning
In the music machine
And your grandmother's
Run from the room
It's only a matter of twine before I
Have run for the exit too

The meter's full
The moon needs a quarter
My name is caught in a tree
The one-armed bandit stole my arms
Now they all think he's me
Because he said

CHORUS

I recorded the piano at Sonoma State University in the music department late at night. I like their pianos. I think this song has a lot of meaning, but I'm not quite sure what it is. I have an idea, though--it's about the formation of coral atolls in the Pacific ocean. No, that's not it...


They Were Not Their Normal Size

This is the thing
That took me by
Complete and utter
Surprise
I saw my hands
On television
And they were not
Their normal size

This is the thing
That made me stop
And check my pockets
Again
I heard the voices
Come from my wallet
A twenty arguing
With a ten

It is very likely
That you have subconsciously
Helped to create this situation
To balance something youve done in the past

Well, they weren't.


What I Ain't Got∫

Oh no I ain't got a job
I ain't got a car
I ain't got a dime to my name
I ain't got a girl
I ain't got a home
And I need to shave my ears

I found the intro of this song at www.mp3.com/albrot. Simple, to the point, and marking a collaboration between him and me, this is a rearrangement, elaboration, and a FULLY AUTHORIZED reproduction of his song. Check out his original version at his website, here on good old mp3.com, where the flying monkeys live eternally!


Why Don't They Call It Art?

CHORUS:
I'm standing on my head
My feet are in the air
I see my feet and they are in the air
They're in the air

I'm standing on the ground
My feet are on the ground
I see my feet and they are on the ground
They're on the ground

What is this thing called Existentialism?
What is this thing called Neo-Dadaism?
What is this thing called Post-Impressionism?
What is this thing called Neo-Classicism?

Why don't they call it art?
Why don't they call it good?
Why don't they call it cool?

Why don't they call it something monosyllabic?

CHORUS

CHORUS

I was so stressed about my art history midterm that I got a pimple on my chin. Not just a little whitehead--no. One of those big honkers that consume your whole face like big red leeches. This is a song about how I hate over-classification and multi-syllabicity. Well, I aced the midterm, which is surprising since I wrote this song instead of studying. Typical.


Saturday, 2:43 PM

The sun is very bright today
And still the clouds are big and gray
I wonder why that makes me think of you
The light that lands upon your face
Is from the depths of outer space
A billion years from Western Avenue

CHORUS:
My emotional survival
Depends on your arrival
Right hand on the Bible
Do you solemnly swear
That you'll keep our agreement
And meet me on the pavement
And come to my apartment
At the top of the stairs

I'll sing a little breakup song
Until I see you come along
Or maybe I will write that song for you
And then a circuit in my brain
Will explode, and there you'll be again
And we can count the craters on the moon

CHORUS

A sudden connection
A flying sensation
A little celebration
As I crumble to the ground
A painful situation
Followed by the realization
That there's a somber congregation
Standing all around

You're there among the fading crowd
I smile and then I sing aloud
'Goodbye, Goodbye' is all I have to say
It seems as though I should have known
But then I never would have flown
It doesn't seem too high a price to pay

Although I may be dying
My body may be lying
Taxis may be crying
In a chorus of cars
Reality receding
My heart no longer beating
My life will not be fleeting
When I'm out among the stars

I did a demo of this song a long time ago with a cheesy piano sound. When I recently spent time at Hyde Street Studios in San Francisco, helping my friends in the band Luckie Strike with their recording, I was tempted to bring my four-track in and record a definitive version of the song using the in-studio equipment. Liz's drums were already set up, and all I needed to do was mic the piano and the marimba. The engineer was very helpful and let me use their good microphones. I tried not to be too surreptitious, but everyone seemed to be into it anyway, so I thank them for that, and for their patience in waiting for me to do good takes of the tracks before moving to another instrument. I had never played the marimba before. See, that takes a little getting used to. I sat in the artist lounge the next day and recorded the vocals. I think everyone could hear me in the kitchen.


Sid Sheinberg Sings! CP Violation Song

An assignment for my Cosmology class. It went over pretty well, but I think I lost everybody around the middle of Sid's exposition. That's okay, it lost me too.